Humorists Of The 20th Century
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John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, “You can come in, but dont start anything!”
A man goes into a bar with a giraffe, they both get a couple of rounds in. When they get up to leave theyre extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out and falls over. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, “Hey! You cant leave that lyin there!” The man turns around and slurs, “Dont be silly, thats not a lion, thats a giraffe!”
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: “Im lookin fer the man that shot my paw.”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “So, why the long face?”
A bear walked into a bar and says, “Ill have a beer…and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”
Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “So, why the long face?”
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “Youre quite a celebrity around here. Weve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “Youve got a drink named Steve?”
A little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The little guy says, “I just did that.” The big guy then beats the little guy up.