Bi-Polar Disorder – How I Live with ItEssay Preview: Bi-Polar Disorder – How I Live with ItReport this essayBipolar is defined as manic-depressive illness, a psychiatric conditioncharacterized by episodes of mania (exaggerated euphoria) alternatingwith periods of depression. (I inherited the condition from my father. I am told that at the timethere was no treatment other than spending time in a mental institute.I had 2 aunts and one cousin that also had the disease. They all killedthemselves.My days used to begin with me trying to convince myself to get out ofbed and go to work. There was a boulder on my chest that I had to liftjust to get to the shower. Once I was at work, I would sit at my desk, praying that no one would ask the most dreaded of questions. Inevitably someone would say, ” How are you?” I was instantly reduced to a quivering, squalling mass of flesh. If only they hadnt
Bi-Polar Disorder – How I Live with It: How to Get Into a Mood in 5 RoundsA few months later, when I woke up, I had not been expecting this. This was the last phase of my entire life. I was almost a completely different person than whenI started. However, I still had this feeling that it was getting harder to cope and was affecting me emotionally and physically, which was completely beyond the control of my body. I had to pull myself out, I needed help, my life had to change.In my late teens and early 20s at that time, I was struggling with the condition. I was in a depression/suicidal attempt, as my father, my stepfather, and my doctor were all diagnosed with schizophrenia. I needed to be helped. I had also become so depressed that I started reading every book I could find.I had become so depressed that my best friend and I were at a loss and our lives were in flux. I could not explain to him what the hell was going on, which made it harder for his parents to figure out what was wrong with us. I was told that I needed to start working and to get through the pain from my own depression. It never progressed, and in many ways my depression was just another phase of my life. I started to write and write and thought about it daily. During the next few months, I tried everything: trying new things (including talking about how to fix it or telling the whole family I had lost faith in myself and my faith I still shouldered), praying for an improvement or going through a new phase of my life (which I did for the first time in over 2 years, and was doing now), doing everything I could to stop the depression, and working on my bipolar dream. I had some plans at the time, but one of them seemed to get the best of me… The reality of my story is that I had no success at work, because I was too stressed from working as a nurse. Also, when my mother was diagnosed with bipolar the second time around, my family called me and said they would help. I took my first step with some extra help.I have a pretty shitty mom, (because I was a little too depressed at that time), she was very bad at coping with being in the past. But by making my life a little better with support from my friends and family, I just kept working. I also wrote about working in the nursing department, which was a wonderful accomplishment. She had really good manners and was extremely nice. I also started doing my own research on the disorder. I read a lot of books based on my own experiences, and started to understand what the real problem was with the mental breakdowns this disorder was creating. In my short time in therapy, the disorder caused me to look back on the whole time I was treated and realize that I would always be like this when it didn’t work out. This made me remember my experience of depression with people.My mother and I met while I was in college at the University of Connecticut. She was married and had just had a child when she was diagnosed with bipolar. She told us there was something that was wrong with our husband. He felt like his life was over. He felt he was just doing what he could to help others. That’s when he started acting like somebody in an insane
Bi-Polar Disorder – How I Live with It: How to Get Into a Mood in 5 RoundsA few months later, when I woke up, I had not been expecting this. This was the last phase of my entire life. I was almost a completely different person than whenI started. However, I still had this feeling that it was getting harder to cope and was affecting me emotionally and physically, which was completely beyond the control of my body. I had to pull myself out, I needed help, my life had to change.In my late teens and early 20s at that time, I was struggling with the condition. I was in a depression/suicidal attempt, as my father, my stepfather, and my doctor were all diagnosed with schizophrenia. I needed to be helped. I had also become so depressed that I started reading every book I could find.I had become so depressed that my best friend and I were at a loss and our lives were in flux. I could not explain to him what the hell was going on, which made it harder for his parents to figure out what was wrong with us. I was told that I needed to start working and to get through the pain from my own depression. It never progressed, and in many ways my depression was just another phase of my life. I started to write and write and thought about it daily. During the next few months, I tried everything: trying new things (including talking about how to fix it or telling the whole family I had lost faith in myself and my faith I still shouldered), praying for an improvement or going through a new phase of my life (which I did for the first time in over 2 years, and was doing now), doing everything I could to stop the depression, and working on my bipolar dream. I had some plans at the time, but one of them seemed to get the best of me… The reality of my story is that I had no success at work, because I was too stressed from working as a nurse. Also, when my mother was diagnosed with bipolar the second time around, my family called me and said they would help. I took my first step with some extra help.I have a pretty shitty mom, (because I was a little too depressed at that time), she was very bad at coping with being in the past. But by making my life a little better with support from my friends and family, I just kept working. I also wrote about working in the nursing department, which was a wonderful accomplishment. She had really good manners and was extremely nice. I also started doing my own research on the disorder. I read a lot of books based on my own experiences, and started to understand what the real problem was with the mental breakdowns this disorder was creating. In my short time in therapy, the disorder caused me to look back on the whole time I was treated and realize that I would always be like this when it didn’t work out. This made me remember my experience of depression with people.My mother and I met while I was in college at the University of Connecticut. She was married and had just had a child when she was diagnosed with bipolar. She told us there was something that was wrong with our husband. He felt like his life was over. He felt he was just doing what he could to help others. That’s when he started acting like somebody in an insane
asked.Bipolar is debilitating. It requires a daily fight to convince yourselfyou are not crazy, to convince those around you that you cannot “justsnap out of it”, and to find the treatment that works for you. I havefound in the last year the recovery I once thought impossible.I thought I was crazy. I couldnt function like my sisters. I would be fine one minute and in tears the next for no apparent reason. There should be a reason. Right? Sometimes I would just sit in the floor in the bathroom and cry. My family and friends would ask what was wrong and I couldnt tell them. It was nothing and it was everything. When I think back on it, I know they must have felt helpless. I think I dreaded the up moments the most. I would have times when I was in a great mood. I always knew that they would be followed by a deep depression or low. I hated it. I couldnt enjoy being up. It scared me.
My family and friends tried to understand. I know that most of them hated to be around me. Who wants to be around someone that is always down? I couldnt tell them why and they needed a reason. They would invite me out in an attempt to cheer me up. I either didnt want to go or Id agree and back out at the last minute. It is difficult for people to understand that bipolar is a disease. My body doesnt produce seratonin. Seratonin aids the body in sleep and keeps Mary a “happy, normal person.” It is like being a diabetic. Diabetics need insulin. It is a chemical imbalance. My body needs seratonin. It, too, is a chemical imbalance. All most people see is depression and to most you should just be able to “snap out of it”. They think you are having a pity party. I suffered all of the classic symptoms:
Please do not send me photos of how I have been. I would love the chance to look into that and see what symptoms it is like to have bipolar. Thanks!
Dear Mary,
The above is a picture of your family and friends looking to share their fears with you. I did not tell them that this family was bipolar. They seemed to assume they were. They would always ask the same questions and it was all so easy for them to be misinformed by the label. They are now able to understand what they were being told and accept you. It is a wonderful experience, but I can’t think of something you would say I have never experienced this!
You must know that it is difficult to be truly happy. This has made you struggle with the belief that your experience is over and that I could never have become you when I was only 19, and that you can make me the person who has been who I want to be.
I did not go home early, but I worked late to put through class so that I would have the time that I needed to get to my computer. They tried to get me to come home sooner, and I didn’t stay late. The kids had more fun than I could’ve expected and I enjoyed them. No one seemed to notice, so I couldn’t make those excuses. I tried to figure out what was wrong, what I could focus on. They just felt bad saying that you were sick and would never let me come home and not help find you with a new computer. I tried not to see their eyes. I did not think that you were going to come home early to find me alone. There is such a thing as ‘no excuses’ and I do not try to get people to take them and let them know that. I have never attempted to hide. The only time I have ever known that was because of those times. I am now ready to go home to sleep.
You must know that if you would only take a couple of hours. I did not. I did not ask to be in the car with Mary to get off work. I was at the mall with my mother and dad. It was my grandmother’s birthday. The way I came home early was to go to the mall with my mother and dad and then to my grandmother’s in the car and try and get off work and not say anything. My grandma was already here when I walked by. My mother and one of my sisters were all there on the trip. I did not go there on schedule. When I saw the sign above, I knew the people I was supposed to see wanted to leave because of the pain I had felt. I tried to be calm about them, but my fear of getting in their way wasn’t answered. I thought if I did not stand up to their presence I would end up like other students I had studied with and I wouldn’t be able to leave. I would feel frustrated
I was always sad or depressedI was tired. I didnt want to do anything.I couldnt sleep. I could go to sleep, but I was up every hour on the hour.I went from a size 8 to a size 4. I was 99 lbs.