How to Say No Summary
Essay Preview: How to Say No Summary
Report this essay
Chapter 1- Saying No: The Basics
In the first chapter of How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty, the authors present the basics of saying no. But why say no? Many times people are persuaded into doing things they dont want to do, simply because they cant find the right words to say no. Another reason why people dont say no is because they are afraid of what the person will think of them if they say no. I can understand this, because many times I have found myself doing things for people because I couldnt think of a good excuse to get myself out. After reading the first chapter, I learned the basic techniques to politely saying no. The first one is surprisingly simple–just buy more time. If you can put off your decision to accepting a request from someone, you then have the time to really think about what it will take to satisfy the other person. One of the phrases they suggested was, “I need to find out if I work first”. As a college student, my work schedule is anything but consistent, so that phrase will be great for me to use. Another suggestion was to say you have a “policy” against doing something. Its good because it lets the person know how important it is to do what you need to do. But for me, I dont think this would be any good, because my friends wouldnt buy the fact that I have a “policy”.
The prevention technique seemed like it would be a good one. I have a friend who whenever I see, he always wants to go out to a bar and drink. I normally dont mind, but if I go over to visit him and Im not in the mood to go out, he will insist that we go anyways. Prevention would be good in this case because if I dont feel like going out that night, I should probably just avoid this friend entirely. Lying to someone in order not to hurt them, or the face-saving excuse is also a good tactic. If an unattractive girl were to ask me out, I wouldnt tell her no because I thought she was unattractive. I would probably tell her that I have a lot of work to do for the next couple of months, and I dont really have time to be going out with her. By telling her this Im doing her a favor, because I dont hurt her feelings.
In order to say no without feeling guilty, its important to think about all the “Nos” youve had to take in your lifetime. All the rejection youve taken, when you think about it, really wasnt so bad. If you can let that roll down your back, then telling someone no will be that much easier. The book recommends practicing in front a mirror in order to build confidence in your nos. Finally, if you cant do it, fake it. As long as your voice has a tone of confidence when you say no, it will be that much more believable. This is true because someone can say no in a meek, wimpy voice and have the greatest excuse ever, but if someone simply says “no” in the right tone, it will have a much stronger effect on the person than the softer voice.
Chapter 2- Saying No to Requests for Money
As a college student, I dont really have a lot of money. However, that means I also have a lot of friends with no money, and they are constantly hitting