Emotional Abuse in Teen Dating Relationships: What Every Parent Needs to Know by Rachel G. Baldino, Msw, Lcsw Sixwise
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According to SafeYouth.org, studies show that as many as 96% of American teenagers say that they have been emotionally and/or psychologically abused by a dating partner.
In other words, almost ALL teens report that they have been emotionally or psychologically mistreated, harmed, stalked, manipulated, or pressured in some way by a dating partner who claimed to love them and to have their best interest at heart.
Sexual and Physical Abuse
Bear in mind that the umbrella term “sexual abuse” certainly includes rape, but it also includes unwanted sexual activity of any kind. This means that if a boy kisses, touches, or does anything sexual to a girl who has not clearly consented to that activity, he has sexually assaulted her.
In addition, if a girl has consumed alcohol or drugs and is not in any condition to give her consent, but the boy still proceeds to engage in any type of sexual activity with her, this also constitutes sexual abuse.
Physical abuse in the context of dating relationships includes punching, biting, slapping, stabbing, and any other method that one person can use to physically harm another with or without the aid of a weapon.
Once again, according to SafeYouth.org, “One recent national survey found that 1 in 11 high-school students said they had been hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year. 1 in 11 students also reported that they had been forced to have sexual intercourse when they did not want to.”
Emotional and Psychological Abuse
When experts refer to teen dating abuse, they are not only talking about the most clear-cut examples of abuse, such as physical or sexual assault. They are also talking about more subtle-and, as it turns out, much more common-forms of psychological and/or emotional abuse, such as stalking, cyber-stalking, insulting, cursing at, yelling at, manipulating, controlling, humiliating, or making verbal threats of violence.
When boyfriends try to whittle away at their girlfriends self-esteem by making cruel or manipulative remarks, or when they try to limit or control their girlfriends activities, or when they try to dictate what their girlfriends can and cannot wear, which people their girlfriends can talk to-and which ones they cant- these are all additional forms of emotional abuse.
Know the Facts
Its important to realize that emotionally abusive partners often know exactly what they are doing, and exactly which buttons to push. They tend to seek out vulnerable, insecure individuals as dating partners, and at the beginning of their relationships they may even treat their vulnerable partners rather well.
If your normally cheerful teenage girl suddenly becomes quiet and depressed, consider asking about her dating relationship.
Often it is only later in their relationships that they start in with the mind games, the emotional manipulation, the cruelty, the insults, and all the other classic emotionally abusive behaviors.
There are many different kinds of emotional abuse, and emotional abuse can take place within the context of all sorts of dating relationships, ranging from casual dating situations to very serious, monogamous, long-term relationships.
According to LoveIsNotAbuse.com, in March of 2006, Liz Claiborne, Inc. partnered with a research organization called Teenage Research, Unlimited (TRU) to study the extent of teen dating violence in todays world.
The findings of this study (which covered all forms of abuse, including emotional abuse), were alarming to say the least.
For instance, when it comes to one specific, ultra-controlling form of emotional abuse, the study results