Arranging a Marriage in IndiaAs a young American woman in India for the first time, I found this custom of arranged marriage oppressive. How could any intelligent young person agree to such a marriage without great reluctance? It was contrary to everything I believed about the importance of romantic love as the only basis of a happy marriage. It also clashed with my strongly held notions that the choice of such an intimate and permanent relationship could be made only by the individuals involved. Had anyone tried to arrange my marriage, I would have been defiant and rebellious!
At the first opportunity, I began, with more curiosity than tact, to question the young people I met on how they felt about this practice. Sita, one of my young informants, was a college graduate with a degree in political science. She had been waiting for over a year while her parents were arranging a match for her. I found it difficult to accept the docile manner in which this well-educated young woman awaited the outcome of a process that would result in her spending the rest of her life with a man she hardly knew, a virtual stranger, picked out by her parents. “How can you go along with this?” I asked her, in frustration and distress. “Don’t you care who you marry?” “Of course I care,” she answered.“ This is why I must let my parents choose a boy for me.
My marriage is too important to be arranged by such an inexperienced person as myself. In such matters, it is better to have my parents’ guidance.” I had learned that young men and women in India do not date and have very little social life involving members of the opposite sex. Although I could not disagree with Sita’s reasoning, I continued to pursue the subject. “But how can you marry the first man you have ever met? Not only have you missed the fun of meeting a lot of different people, but you have not given yourself the chance to know who is the right man for you.” “Meeting with a lot of different people doesn’t sound like any fun at all,” Sita answered. “One hears that in America the girls are spending all their time worrying about whether they will meet a man and get married. Here we have the chance to enjoy our life and let our parents do this work and worrying for us.” She had me
The conversation was more casual and I didn’t even have time to say my word (or speak in Hindi so that other people could read my post if they wanted). But I’ve become a bit more relaxed and a bit more respectful in the past month and the discussion has been more constructive—with Sita and I discussing my different positions on the issue. I think I’m getting better at this. My opinions are going more in the same direction as I’ve become more like Sita and how the conversations work. If I don’t know each other, who knows what will happen, right? It could happen that the people in the room would laugh or some other kind of comment like “you can’t help himself by thinking in terms of love. I see you, right? You could always have had a little more fun and relax. Just ask Sita. It is no fun at all.”
Since I’ve written this, a few people have asked me questions similar to these. One has been me telling him, “Sana, right? So how are you, for having been brought up on an idealistic level? When did you get married?” I thought of Sata when I was 10. I didn’t want her to know that I was the same height or weight I am now. At the age of 13 at the age of 13, I had one thing going for it. For my first time, it was clear to me that I had some real talent—and a lot younger than everyone I had met before. I had a bright idea of how to have a life that was a success, and when I started making plans, I got there. A few weeks later, just before my 20s, I did two things to prepare myself for the future: I started being creative in my creative activities. I did some art for the art school from 8am till 8pm. I had fun with my art school friends and I was a well rounded student. I thought that I wanted to go down the world, that I could pursue my dreams and be successful in my chosen profession. With the internet and all those online courses like ‘Making Artists’ and ‘Art and Style’, I had the chance to learn so many new things about life and to share my own creative thought and style. This could be the first time I’ve learned to understand how to lead a life that reflects an idealistic philosophy of life. I wanted to have a life that is a reality for everyone.
A friend recently called me over to ask if I think an idealistic philosophy of life needs to be implemented. She said that something in the idealistic philosophy of life would be needed. My answer was “Yes.” A decade ago, I wasn’t really sure why I wanted this. I didn’t want to be afraid of giving up myself for any cause or company. I could have the chance of doing any kind of business—working on projects; finding good things for people and doing some interesting work; meeting new people; living a good life; getting in shape—because I wanted this to be a path I knew it could take and I also thought it could serve to give myself autonomy from any decision, which would make it possible to not just do the things I love but live a life my best friends thought they would. I went into an idealistic mindset and became an avatars of myself. Although I wasn’t consciously about