I Wish I Could See
Chapter 5
” I wish I could see”
In my dreams, in my darkest revelries I forgo my own admonitions and indulge in thoughts of a lover scorned ions ago. Perhaps it is a sadistic desire of the subconsciousness that enjoys gazing upon my writhing husk of a corpse in some jovial reprisal of past sorrows, but I am uncertain of the source. The beauty unaltered behind a veil of tears, gave my heart its beat, but through my own deceit I can now only feign life because the life spring by which I thrived on is dry. The lamenting songbird is now free and broken wings can fly, fly higher than my sickness can reach, close to the sun, Icarus, have the seas swallowed your soul?
I wish to see the sun, my morning star, engulf myself in the ancient flame, baptism beneath the fury of the old ones in the sky. Your eyes sweet Cara, the gentle brush of the wind passing atop the emerald sea, a gentle reprieve from this mortality. Your smile, sweet surrender, is the reason for my breathing. Every morning, every sunrise, every ray of light that I am blessed to receive is a memory of you, and every breath is a gift, help me remember you
My own selfish hunger for vindication has compelled me to overcompensate for my previous misdeeds. This prompt spurred something within me that I had not felt in some time, vertigo, a disparaging weight laid heavy on a conscience brittle with regret. I did not love her as I should, the seraphic princess, the undeserving object of habitual neglect. I did not know myself who I was, how she felt, what sweet tenderness she held for me. Unbeknown-st to myself, I had been shown the greatest love anyone could ever be shown, acceptance.
Forever ended with a kiss, our forever, a forever that will never come to pass; Time became a cruel mistress. If only I had known what was to become of my friend and confidant, I would have fought harder for her. Very