Chuck Norris Facts
Essay title: Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
2. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
3. Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
4. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
5. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
6. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
7. Chuck Norris doesnt read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
8. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
9. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you cant see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
10. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
11. The sun doesnt actually rise or set. Chuck Norris simply claps twice.
12. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
13. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper cant get up the courage to tell him.
14. Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, “Trix are for Chuck Norris.
15. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldnt stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
16. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
17. To prove it isnt that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
18. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
19. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris shoe. Chuck replied, “Dont you know who I am? Im Chuck Norris! “The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
20. Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. He ate a fucking Indian.
21. Chuck Norris invented inventions.
22. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalkers real father.
23. Chuck Norris isnt hung like a horse; horses are hung like Chuck Norris.